There are few things that make me feel as connected to a person as when I recommend a movie that holds a special place in my heart for whatever reason and they love it.
all the time. i used to think that these feelings are trivial, unimportant, and shallow. but they’re so not these things. they are important feels because we show the real self when it comes to movies or music. we’re honest.
“There is an ecstasy that marks the summit of life, and beyond which life cannot rise. And such is the paradox of living, this ecstasy comes when one is most alive, and it comes as a complete forgetfulness that one is alive.”
-Jack London, The Call of the Wild
this is so goddamn true.
thoughts on the uk adventure
it’s so annoying how fucking indecisive i am sometimes. i mean it’s fine when it comes to stuff like a tumblr theme, or where to go have lunch, or which bar to go to after work. but it just sucks huge balls when it comes to being as indecisive as i am regarding important, life changing stuff. for example the going to london thing. it fucking terrifies me, not because it’s about change, my adapatbility degree is pretty high, i do adapt easily. it’s just about the comfort that i leave behind i suppose, and the people. i am kinda scared at the thought of losing people with my going away. i always hear stories like that; someone goes away for a while and leaves friends and close people behind and when they return the people that they have left behind have moved on, weren’t friends anymore, weren’t close anymore,
i think that is a scary thought. some would say i have some growing up to do regarding my friends and the people i usually hang out with, but they are my people, i love them, and i have known them since i was a kid basically. also, the orientation skills that i utterly lack - man, that is really some scary shit right there. i once got lost in an airport in italy and it was fucking terrifying for me. i have had some big issues regarding orientation since that time in the airport. and just thinking about how huge london is, it just makes my skin crawl, to be honest.
i never did like the big, metropolitan places. i mean i do, to visist, not to live there. and also the food, i truly am a foody, and i enjoy my food immensely. we have such quality produce and ingredients here. i remember when i used to live in germany i used to hate the quality of the produce and i used to miss the taste of the food at home so much. i know, i know, people tend to romanticize their hometown and everything about it when they are away, but it wasn’t just that. thinking about the distance between point a and point b, i would fucking despise having to spend hours commuting every day. it’s all this small stuff that makes me anxious and annoys the fuck out of me. i still have a few months here, so i will definitely make the most of it, but i do have to decide soon.
and i have no idea, other than i wanna go and see things and experience stuff, but i never want to be away from home forever.